What is Affirmative Counselling?

In any marginalised community, whether people identify themselves or not, affects us all."

-Ani Difranco (Singer, Songwriter)

The dictionary definition of the word 'affirmative' is to agree, consent or say 'yes' to a truth, fact or experience. Affirmation of your experience as a client with/by your therapist would, logically, seem to be a foundation for therapy to succeed. However, not every client experiences this. Like in the wider social world, despite counselling being a unique kind of relationship, it involves two (or more) humans meeting together - with all their views, values, judgements and awareness (or not!) present. As a client, it is important to find a counsellor who fits your need to feel safe enough to open up in sessions and see progress in your life. Simply, you'll feel more at ease from the start.

The relationship between client and counsellor, at least from a person-centred perspective, helps to validate the client's feelings, needs and experiences. Acceptance and warm regard of whatever material arises in therapy, is the aim. Finding a counsellor who can walk with you by your side is important for healing to occur. This means finding someone who can empathise with your struggles or experiences - perhaps in ways you have not experienced in other relationships. Research shows how meaningful and healing this type of encounter can be, often more so than the type of therapy used. Deep listening can be transformative and for many is a base line to build trust and sufficient safety, before any techniques or modalities are tried. However, affirmative counselling as an approach, aims to go further, in welcoming and actively accepting marginalised identities and minority experiences* into the therapy room (or, sometimes outdoors or online, as is the case here with Wild Emergence!).

*Marginalised and minority identities or experiences are referred to here as those who live in, or have been affected by, a dominant value system in their lives, which in some way conflicts with or diminishes their own values, identity or experiences. This can include within family, cultural or political systems. It can include discrimination or result in daily stressful experiences from the act of hiding/protecting important aspects of yourself. The impacts of this, especially long term, on psychological, emotional and even physical health can be significant. Those experiencing what is known as minority stress are statistically more likely to develop incapacitating mental health issues, for example suicidal thoughts or a higher risk of self-harm or substance misuse. Minority stressors include: comments, slurs or social or physical access barriers to acceptance or inclusion or anxiety over 'being found out'.

The extremes of 'isms' and phobias stemming from mainstream cultural fear and ignorance of difference such as racism, homophobia, ableism, sexism, transphobia are examples of what some people experience daily. This may become someone's 'normal' experience, which can even restrict access to appropriate healthcare.

As a counsellor and a queer person who lives with chronic health challenges, I understand the importance of access to safe, affordable, validating health care. This should be a human right. Some well-meaning healthcare practitioners or therapists can sometimes alienate or re-traumatise clients from their ignorance or lack of self-awareness. However, increasingly, more private practitioners at least are making their specialisms, training and awareness known on their profiles. Some are even sharing their own marginalised identities and experiences on social media or their websites - to attract those who would otherwise risk being misunderstood, or even harmed in their care.

Here are some tips and resources below to help kickstart your journey to affirmative therapy. In local or organisational healthcare settings you could take an advocate with you - a trusted friend or professional - to help you express your needs and find a good/better fit for you.

Affirmative Counselling & How to Find It:

• Ask for a free, initial consultation. Most counsellors should offer this. Even though this is not an indication of how you will both relate longer term in counselling, as that can take a few sessions to establish, it is an opportunity to ask them anything upfront that is important to you. Note their response and don't worry about offending or catching them out - you are the expert on you - not the other way round!

• Prepare for this conversation by making a list on paper, or your phone, of what you are ideally looking for in a potential counsellor. What do you want them to come equipped with knowing, or be aware of, that will help you feel at ease? Does this involve parts of your identity, sexuality, gender, heritage, existing diagnoses or labels? Prioritise the parts that would be difficult or tiring for you to explain / educate your therapist about if they didn't already have some prior knowledge or experience.

• The therapist's profile on a directory (e.g. Psychology Today listings) or their website 'about' page or social media may give you some idea of their specialisms, or their values and ways of working before you commit.

Resources:

This page from the Black, African, Asian Therapists Network has tips on how to choose a therapist, and also a directory: https://www.baatn.org.uk/choosing-a-therapist/

Pink Therapy also offer support and listings for LGBTQIA+ individuals: https://pinktherapy.com/

Psychology Today, for a UK Directory of verified qualified counsellors and filters to manage/focus your search criteria: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling

And finally - a reminder of my free up to 30 minutes consultation - contact me to schedule this or to ask an initial query. Thank you.